the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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