He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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