i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
