my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
