Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
