I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize