I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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