His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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