are you so shy because you have an std?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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