oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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