his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
