If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
