He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You're like the curious george of whores
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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