I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
