Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
be right there i have to get my cape
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
