Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
sick fucks of a feather flock together
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize