There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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