I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize