Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
