JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
