it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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