Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
