never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Green mimosas i think yes
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
