What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
