I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
