remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
