Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
