when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
