You're completely useless in the revolution.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
