if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize