I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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