got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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