Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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