the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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