I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
