hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
