Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
