Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
