It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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