Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
