i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
