You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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