Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If I die, sorry about rent.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
