Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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