I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
