Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
