i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
