my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
