I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
