I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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