Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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