You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
