I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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