So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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