I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
