If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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