I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
