Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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