We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
