The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize