"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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