so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
