he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
