I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
