we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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