It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
