i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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