I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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