You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
