if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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