Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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