Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
