I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
