I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
