my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
