dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize