Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
