Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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