My Higher Power is John Stamos
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
