I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
