hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
