Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
They are going to name an STD after you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
