I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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