I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
