I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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