So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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