If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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