Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well you can't waste a boner
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
