Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
