Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
