I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
