Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
