i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
