Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
