Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
