that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
